Dear Bluebell…
Pulling together the glamour of Trisha, the comforting bosom of Denise Robertson and the bite of Jeremy Kyle, I am here to share my wisdom and pour soothing slurry on your woes.
Contact me at: bluebell@adoptafarmanimal.org.uk
DISCLAIMER:
1. I am a pig
2. It is with regret that Bluebell cannot enter into personal correspondence
Dear Bluebell
It’s easy being a vegan in the winter as there’s soups, jacket potatoes, spicy Indian dishes etc galore – but in the summer how do you keep your cool on the beach and by the BBQ?
Hot and Bothered, Preston
Dear H&B
What a boring old winter you must have with soup and potatoes – very exciting. Not! It’s not 1940 you know. OK an array of Indian delights is a bit more appetising (I myself also like it hot!)…but they taste even better when the sun is shining and with a cool glass of cider or fruit juice to wash ‘em down.
I avoid BBQs as much as possible – unless they’re veggie ones! Remember, meat isn’t compulsory. Pop some fabulous Fry’s, Redwood, Linda McCartney or Realeat bangers on there and watch everyone else’s tastebuds go pop. They’ll be so jealous! Shove them in a hotdog bun with mustard, ketchup or salsa (try making your own!). Mmmmm!
As for the beach, well yes a spot of sunbathing is something I enjoy. I keep my cool by nibbling a bit of vegan ice cream such as that by Booja Booja, Swedish Glace or Oat Supreme (check out the freezer bit of your local supermarket or health food shop). Sometimes a fresh lovely smoothie is also just the ticket – and goes towards my five a day – so get blending! Or even make your own fruit juice lollies: buy some moulds, fill them with fruit juice and a few fresh or frozen fruits and freeze.
Don’t forget: check out Viva!’s recipe pages for delicious delights to last you the whole year round here!
Bluebell’s been in this game long enough to recognise excuses – and yours are as lame as my leg used to be from being confined in a sow stall. Thanks to plant foods it’s doing better and I’m having a wild time. It’s time for you to do the same! Tsh!
Dear Bluebell…
I am a single mother of twins and feel constantly harassed. If they’re not painting the walls with chocolate then they’re asking me to read them a story – all I want to do is read my Mills & Boons and remember the excitement and romance of how things used to be…
Harassed, 29, Wirral
Bluebell says: Don’t we all! Speaking as a sow who’s brought many a piglet into the world I know just how you feel (twins would’ve been a blessing – I was having up to 8 at a time!). As a mother pig I was either in a concrete cell or, during their early years, confined to a crate with no room for even a nuzzle with my new-borns never mind with a lover (I was artificially inseminated anyway). After four weeks, my babies were then taken away and killed for meat – so you should enjoy yours.
Nine years later, I’ve got my freedom – and you will too (well, in 18 years!). In the meantime, try and treat yourself. Drop them off in the kid’s section of your local library while you recline in the romantic fiction. Also find some ‘me’ time at home where you can indulge in cruelty-free toiletries and your share of the vegan chocolates before they hit the wallpaper. (You’re lucky; the brown stuff mine covered the walls with wasn’t chocolate!)
Dear Bluebell
Although I’d really love to go veggie, I can’t imagine life without bacon butties. What would you recommend?
Dave, 48, Telford
Bluebell says: A clip round the lughole you insensitive sot! What is it with meat eaters and the seemingly-splendid wonder that are bacon butties?! It’s a slice of my rump between two bits of Hovis! Bacon, sausages, pork, ham etc are largely made from the factory farming and slaughter of us pigs. Still feeling peckish?!
It’s great that you want to go veggie and everyone gives up meat at their own pace, but you sound like you’ve ground to a halt! What you might not realise is going veggie doesn’t mean going without. There’s a wide variety of bacon substitutes available such as Redwood’s Cheatin’ Rashers (available in health food shops and online) – as well as veggie sausages, hot dogs, mince, roasts and even fish fingers! And without the nasty bits found in animal products, such as cholesterol, they’ll be better for you as well. As will the walk to the supermarket to buy some, so get cracking!
